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Zen Mama Wannabe » Blog Archive » Waiting and Hoping
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Waiting and Hoping


She’s got them double crossed!!

Once again I have my fingers crossed hoping something will happen.  It, as it usually is in these cases, is completely 100% out of my control. Nothing I can do about it. It’s not even MY thing. And I wonder….does that seem to almost make it HARDER to take?

My Little One (now 10) had her audition for a local theater company on Tuesday. Callbacks were Wednesday – and yes, she got called. We were thrilled. But as it usually goes, not all kids who audition, or who even get asked to callbacks, will be cast in this production. And so we wait. Wait until they post the cast list Friday evening and see if her name is on it.

I know the routine well. I went through this whole process several times before with my son (different theater, different town, same routine) so in some ways I’m experienced in the waiting game. But this time is different. Different because it’s not my son, with all his exuberance and confidence, but my Little One who is putting herself out there, trying to get noticed, hoping to get cast. My shy Little One with a completely different skill set than her older brother.

I want this so badly for her but in different ways than I wanted it to work out for him. My wish here is mostly that I feel this would be such a great activity for her to get involved with and be a part of. It would potentially keep her busy a couple days after school. She would meet new kids. She would work on and polish different skills than she gets to use on a regular basis (singing, dancing, acting, putting yourself out there in front of others). But mostly I wish it because theater is a ready-made community of people – and we need a group to join. We desperately need to feel like we belong somewhere!

This goes back to being new of course. Of feeling like you are always on the outside of things, that you never quite fit in. Which comes from moving around as much as we have and never quite getting settled (really settled) anywhere – except for the one place that felt like “home” to your kids which made leaving it even harder and going somewhere else that much worse. That is another story altogether and right now my focus is just on hoping this theater production will work out for her.

Actually, that is not quite right. My REAL hope for her is that she will find her way. Find the thing(s) that really interests her. That is what this Zen Mama Wannabe so desperately wants. I am a big fan of community theater, on many levels. I think this could be great for her, but obviously it is not the only show in town (pardon the pun). There are other theater companies here and other types of activities all-together. I just want her to find something that excites her a bit. That helps her feel good about herself. She gets enough alone time, enough unstructured “play” time (again, a bi-product of being new). It’s connecting with something (and hopefully someone) that she wants and needs. I want it too – for her and for me!!

So we wait, with fingers crossed, until they post that cast list, to find out if THIS is it or if the search continues. Wish us luck.


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One Response to “Waiting and Hoping”

  1. Tracy Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    I sometimes think the waiting is harder on us parents….fingers crossed for you little one. And great to have you back posting on your blog Zen Mama!

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