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Zen Mama Wannabe » Blog Archive » Why Can’t We Have it All?
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Why Can’t We Have it All?

Why do we put limits on ourselves as though there is no way we can get what we REALLY want and who do we think we are for asking for it all anyway? Is it wrong to us to expect certain things to just work out? After all, why shouldn’t they? Why can’t things fall into place effortlessly in our lives? Why is our expectation so often the opposite? Yes, why indeed?

When one talks of moving to a new place, one of the first things to do is to find a place to live. We did that – and may I mention that it truly seemed to fall into place. A lovely house, almost completely remodeled – practically new. It had just about everything on my list of what I wanted in a house, and certainly ALL the major points that would have been deal breakers otherwise (big yard for the kids, nice office space for my husband, guest room preferably with its own bath – as we want LOTS of visitors, and a gorgeous kitchen – okay, guess I’d settle for a good kitchen – but if you’re gonna dream, why not dream big and go for gorgeous).

The two big hurdles when you start the process of buying a house are the inspection and mortgage approval. We took neither for granted, especially in today’s economic market, but again, when you are buying a nearly-completely remodeled house, you sort of assume that all will go well with the inspection part.  I mean, why think otherwise?

Needless to say, it did NOT go well with the inspection part. In fact, it’s hard to imagine it going any worse! The time bomb of a septic system “about to go” at any minute ($40,000) was a shock. The old boiler that really needed to be replaced, or at the very least, repaired ($5,000) and fixing the pH of the well water (another $5,000) were also unexpected. But when they found mold, and not just a little bit, of it in the NEW part of the house (the part that had been build less than five years ago) at that point all bets were off. The dream kitchen floated away – as quickly as it had come – too good to be true.

We told ourselves we would find something else, something better. The right house for us would come on the market. But the clock has ticked on, and the nothing has happened. I am convinced the kids now think it was all a bad dream (this talk of moving east) and have dismissed it from their thoughts. I don’t blame them – I understand their coping strategy – but then, what is mine? How do I cope with all this limbo and uncertainty? Will we EVER find a house to buy?

You have good housing karma, a good friend tells us. It will happen – you’ll find a great place. But when? Why hasn’t it fallen into place by now? Why hasn’t it worked out? My impatience leads to doubt and a definite lack of faith. The houses we’re seeing now are smaller, with definite compromises. And that’s fine….but, do I even dare ask, why can’t we have it all?

I remember once I had wanted this certain job so badly – and then I was offered it! I was ecstatic. Driving home that afternoon, I kept rejoicing about my good fortune. Life was wonderful. I had gotten what I wanted….well, almost. I had gotten the job I wanted, but the guy I was crazy about was still out of reach. Well, at least I have this great job, I thought. After all, you can’t have EVERYTHING you want.

Fortunately, I suddenly had an aha moment right there sitting in traffic on the 5 Freeway. It doesn’t JUST have to be the job, I can have the guy too – truly, I can have it all!  It didn’t have to be one or the other.  I deserved it all. Why not? I made a mind shift and instantly corrected myself. And when I got home that evening, there was a phone message waiting for me from the guy! It was as though it took me finally deciding that I could have it all, before it actually could happen.

So perhaps those same principles can apply here. Who is to say we have to radically comprise on what we want in a home? Why can’t we find a place on a nice piece of land, that is in the trees, but not completely off the beaten path? Why can’t we have a house that provides a good play space for the kids and kitchen sink under a window for this Zen Mama Wannabe? Is it really too much to ask?

Why shouldn’t it work out for you, for me, for anyone willing to ask for it?   Dream big!   Believe it CAN happen. And when the doubt comes, counter attack with: why not?  Why can’t it work out?  If it’s true that you get what you expect, then why not expect the BIG dream instead of the little, modified version? Why not expect it to work out? Now if only this Zen Mama Wannabe can remember this as I manage all this uncertainty!

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(POSTSCRIPT: not too long after I wrote this, we found another house!  It didn’t have everything on my list, but close enough. And now, many months later, we find ourselves living in Connecticut! The move didn’t go well, and there have been many many bumps in the road along the way, but here we are – the adventure continues!)

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