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Zen Mama Wannabe » Blog Archive » Stick to the Facts
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Stick to the Facts

What are you dealing with today?  Now that the New Year has started, with all the good intentioned resolutions that go along with it, are you feeling unhappy that you are in a particular situation? Are you mad or disappointed with yourself – after all, you KNOW better.  So why can’t you DO better?

Before you set out to tackle whatever it is you want to tackle, this time around why don’t you try something new?  How about considering that you need to straighten out your thoughts first.  First, you need to see the situation clearly – and chances are (if you are at all like me) you’re not.  Because you’ve intertwined your “story” all over the facts.  

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.

From “A Happier You” by Eckhard Tolle
Exerpted from Oneness with All Life

I talk to my kids a lot about “fact” and “opinion.”  They come home from school spouting a lot of things they heard on the playground and we often have to work through them so that they see these pearls of wisdom are not true, necessarily – they are only other people’s opinions.  (Who knew kids had SO many opinions?!). 

The trouble starts when you begin to take these opinions and turn them into fact.  You believe it to be true and then it takes on a life of its own.  It took me a while to figure out why blueberries were suddenly being picked over, until I finally got the story:  if you eat too many blueberries, your teeth will turn blue – permanently.  And then you’ll have to go to the dentist and he will have to scrap down your teeth, which is really painful – and they still might be a little blue. (So obviously it makes sense to avoid blueberries now at all costs – at least it did to my 4 year old, and I can’t say I blame her – it was quite a compelling story she repeated back to me). 

Ok, so it seems simple to detect when kids do it, but what about when YOU do it? 

I never can stick to a diet.
I always run up credit card balances because I'm no good with money.
I don’t have the time to work out each day. 
I’m horrible at meeting new people.
I’m always running late. 
Everyone in my family is like this – it’s just the way we are.  Etc.

Are these facts?  No – of course not.  You may not even believe it to be true ALL the time, but even part time, this self-talk is damaging.  You are creating your story and your subconscious is eating up it.  Remember, the subconscious will take in whatever you tell yourself; positive or negative – it can’t tell the difference.

You can set all the goals for yourself you would like, but until you get your story (your self-talk) straighten out, you are setting yourself up for failure.  Oh, maybe not at first; but after a while, when motivation is waning, and the going starts to get tough, our brains fall back into our old familiar story. 

Anyway, it is something to think about.  I am still feeling like we should all be working our way towards having the best year of our life.  We deserve nothing less.  That is one thing I know is a FACT.

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